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[21 Mar 2006|12:59am] |
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blackstar (mos def and talib kweli are) - definition |
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this week no matter how plastered, stoned(hey, i went a month and a week), or chain-smoked out i've been i can't explain it. yeah, it's bad for me, but do i give a fuck? nah. for those few hours everything's gone, and nothing matters at all. i'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes but it's seriously so hard. it from want one, to need one. i guess that happens when you go from not smoking at all to a pack a day. i don't know though; anything just to get by i guess. i'm so incredibly frustrated with everything going on in my life right now and i just want to kill at all, so whatever that takes. honestly, i want to pack the fucking bags, start the whip up, and just leave, so whose with me? in actuality whose happy with their life right now? fuck being young, fuck hardships, and fuck watching everything washed down the drain
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[03 Mar 2006|10:36pm] |
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Fuck this.
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[01 Jan 2006|03:38pm] |
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mood |
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 gravy |
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music |
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Common Rider |
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oh livejournal.
I don't use you much.
but..
2006.
Happy New Years!
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[22 Sep 2005|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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fassw |
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college is going super smooth. i finally got a parking pass a month after classes started :x. i'm looking for new things to do instead of just the usual "hang out."
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[25 Aug 2005|08:45am] |
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mood |
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college is pretty nice, especially when you're 3 weeks ahead of your work.
incase any of you don't have my cell number, it's 906-7455.
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[27 Jun 2005|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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I'm at orientation. What a ridiculous concept.
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[31 May 2005|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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mae |
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I guess I can start using this now that I have nothing to do with my life for another three months.
So I've finally graduated. It's weird, I don't really have a clue what the future holds, but as of right now it's kind of bleak. Greensboro, NC is rather boring. It's the same thing over and over again. Shows, pool, and "hanging out". I wish I would've just gone to State, but that's what transferring is for. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for right now though. I constantly feel like I want to be something I'm not, but I don't really know where I'm going with that. I don't know what's going on either so I don't know why I'm typing any of this garbage.
Fuck it.
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[25 May 2005|07:30am] |
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'05.
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[23 Apr 2005|12:51am] |
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dude. poopie.
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[27 Feb 2005|01:39am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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HORSE the Band |
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Livejournal is feeling mildly childish, anyone agree? Maybe someone can motivate me to update.
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[30 Jan 2005|12:00pm] |
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mood |
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Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning. |
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I'm 18.
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| I'm an adult in two days. |
[28 Jan 2005|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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Copeland - Brightest (I miss you.) |
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This is my first update in a very long time. A month actually. I don't know why but my life has seemed to go down the proverbial shitter. I constantly feel miserable for no apparent reason really, so I'm kind of starting to worry about myself.
Thursday was Jess and my three months. That makes me pretty happy. I never thought I could be so utterly astounded by someone. I love her. I really do.
So in two days I'm going to be 18. This doesn't really feel any different at all. Oh well, I can buy cigarettes and porn, the two most important things in my life! Right. I think I might be getting sick now, I hope it's not what I think it is, but if it is, then atleast I won't have to go to school for a month. Burdening my parents with doctor bills sounds like fun. :-/ I've also been thinking about this whole concept of becoming an adult, going to college, and having a bit of freedom. But what comes with that is awful. I don't get to see the people I really want to because everyone is going to colleges all over this state. There will always be breaks but it seems as if they'll become more and more distant as the breaks come and go. It's pretty depressing, and that might just be what's been making me miserable.
Have you ever looked around and wondered why some people can be so happy? It's weird to me. It seems as if the people I go to school with have anything they possibly want. The nice car, any kind of material possession imaginable, the fake friends, but when it comes down to it atleast I know it's all fake. It's kind of amusing to me. People live in their little shells and never take a chance to see what all they're missing outside of their little social bubbles. The cliques will never end, no matter how old you are, where you're from, or who your friends are. I've got a few things those people don't. I have the amazing girlfriend, who is always here for me, and whom I'll always go out on a whim for, even it means sacrificing anything. Anything at all. I don't care. She's mine, and if there is some higher power, I can thank him every single day for this blessing that's been given to me. I feel like I'm the luckiest person on Earth. I also have friends that will listen to me ramble on about my so very insignificant problems that it makes me sick. Really, what problems do I have? I'm just whining. I also have very understanding parents that try as hard as they can to make sure I'm able to live my life, even it means putting themselves into debt. Right now it feels as if I want to say thank you to so many people, yet I can't.
As of late I also feel very unsure about the future. I mean sure, I know where I'm going to go to college (I think.), and I also pretty much know what I want to do with my life, but can you ever be sure? Have you ever thought about what would happen if what you chose to be your career turned out to be wrong for you? Living is so incredibly hard, there are so many questions that you really can't answer without just trying things, but when trying things is basically the difference between life and death in some sick metaphor of life, then how compelled can you be to try something new? Not very.
Alright, if you read all of that please comment, I'd enjoy it. Happy birthday to me. January 30th.
I love you Jessica Clay.
Goodnight.
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[23 Dec 2004|01:37am] |
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cheerful |
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bright eyes (thanks for the cd drew) |
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Today was a great day thanks to my wonderful Jess. I love you babe. She got me the greatest Christmas gift ever :D I'm so rocking the shirt tomorrow. Although, material things don't matter, as long as I have her. :) Thank you babe.
The show was good tonight, even if I do such things as pay seven dollars just to see Brandy Alexander. Oh well, it was fantastic, even if every single person on the student body of Soutwest Middle School decided to attend. I'm pretty happy that school is out, I was very sick of my classes. There's only one semester left of high school, ever, and I'm spending a class a day and my lunch with Jess. And I'm actually looking forward to prom. Amazing.
Christmas in three days. It doesn't feel very Christmas-like this year at all, considering that it's 55 outside.. at 1:46 AM. Pretty strange. Maybe in the next two days I'll have an epiphany and I'll sing a Yuletide Carol. No, I doubt it, but that's okay!
I'm going to end this one here. Incase I don't update for awhile Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
I love you Jessibear;)
p.s. only a few hours until I get to see her again. :)
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[14 Dec 2004|11:56pm] |
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..let us be, let us be. |
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Who met Aaron Weiss? Hoffman and Jessica met Aaron Weiss, and held a conversation with him. I love mewithoutYou.
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[05 Dec 2004|01:07am] |
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music |
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The Agony Scene & The Chariot |
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First entry in a long time. Everything's been going well. I see Jess a lot and love every minute of it. I wish that I was with her right now instead of spending time in my room by myself at 1:32 AM. But.. I am on the phone with her :). She really doesn't know how amazing she is. Last night we both fell asleep in my room and i think that it was the best twenty minutes of my day. Knowing that she was in my arms and that her heart was beating next to me is the most incredible feeling in the world.
Tonight was really good. The school show was surprisinly not bad. After Letting Go playing tonight was incredible because well.. they're After Letting Go. Why can't Ragsdale atleast look as nice as SW does. Fuck Ragsdale.
Anyone have a good amp head or cab they want to sell.. I'm looking for one. Preferably in the range of a Peavey 5150 or a XXX. Or maybe almost anything Marshall. Or.. Mesa. Dual Rectifier anyone?
I picked up The Chariot's CD. It's really fucking good. Buy it.
Josh Scogin is my anti-drug.
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[23 Nov 2004|04:25pm] |
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music |
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a closing skyline |
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NO SCHOOL FOR 5 DAYS AND IM SEEING JESS ON SOME OF THOSE DAYS YEP YEP.
just thought id let everyone know im still alive
i <3 lucy!
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[17 Nov 2004|07:05pm] |
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music |
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burnt by the sun - human + streamroller |
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Brandy Friday, Underoath Saturday. that's word. school is the sucky suck suck and i might have make up time at weaver, rock on for things that are completely out of my control. \m/
i'm pretty bored... this update sucks! oh well.
<3 Mordecai.
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[14 Nov 2004|09:38pm] |
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scars of tomorrow - as we choke |
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After thinking this weekend be long, boring, and have no exciting plot twists, it was redeemed today!
On Friday after having to tell Jess goodbye as she ventured to the cold, barren wasteland of Virginia.. I went to mall, ate at the mall, walked around the back coridoors of the mall, and then proceeded to engage in Scrabble. After various brief intermissions from watching Viva La Bam to play the "Wig" game, I returned to my humble abode, where I engaged in a phone conversation with the lovely Jessica. (Best ever.)
On Saturday, I awoke around the hour of one. I proceeded to leave the house around the hour of two plus thirty minutes where we were to rescue Heather from the monotony of the everyday grind. This is also known as Skateland U.S.A. A visit to Sheetz resulted in acquiring a bucket of "fryz" and a bag of onion rings. Eventually, a venture to the Catton Estate turned into the fight for independence from the opressive shackles of aliens. We shall simply call this "Halo 2." After I arrived home around 6:30, I received a message from my friend Drewman. We were to visit Sheetz, and then proceed to the Tavern, where a "Hardcore" show was to be held. Sheetz provided us with a bucket of aforementioned "fryz", a travel cup of Swedish Fish, and three cups of ketchup.
Fast forward to Sunday, where I woke up at two, to find myself very bored until Jess called. Thankfully she was to be home shortly. After the arduous task of getting ready and providing myself with sustanance to have a reasonable amount of glucose in my body, I ventured to her abode. I proceeded to have the most fun 4 hours I've had in awhile. This brings me to now, where I'm finishing this entry.
I. <3. Jess. Forever.
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[09 Nov 2004|05:06pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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mewithoutYou |
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ugh i like the winter and autumn, but why does it have to freeze in my house also!?! baaah only one more day of school until kind of a half weekend yay! pointless update anyone? yup.
Vern <3's Mordecai the most.
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[07 Nov 2004|10:46pm] |
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death cab |
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Once again it was a good weekend. On Friday I talked to Jess on the phone for quite awhile... Saturday hung out with Brandon, went to Ace's saw Jess and a lot of my friends.. today hung out with Jess.. It can't get any better.
Ever worried about something for no apparent reason?
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